Super-Duper Bowl

Now I don’t know a quarterback from a quarter-pounder, a runningback from a running joke, or a Cheese Head from a cheese-monger; but I, like tens of millions of people all around the world, invested four hours of my life in the self-proclaimed Sports Event of the Year. It didn’t matter that the first ball was kicked at 11:30pm GMT or that the last action came at just after 3am; I stuck with it because it was my unpatriotic duty.

You see, Ireland has nothing in its sporting calender that quite matches the razzmatazz of Super Bowl. Yes, we have the All-Ireland Hurling and Football Finals every September, at Croke Park, where up to 82,000 people dress up in County colours and hope that their heroes will bring home Sam or Liam. But there’s little to no glitz or glamour to proceedings. Instead of Christina belting out a half-arsed concoction of Star-Spangled Banner, we have Miley from Ballygofuckwit, bottle in hand, mouthing half-learned words of Amhran na bhFiann (The Soldiers’ Song), while wondering if his bet will go down the Liffey, come the full-time whistle.

Fergie and the Goons

Instead of Fergie and the other goons from the Black Eyed Peas, shouting horrendously nonsensical lyrics into a microphone that doesn’t work properly, we have the Artane Boys Band, walking the length and breadth of the pitch, tooting horns and banging drums, while punters harrass the stadium bars and hot-dog stands (yes, we have hot-dogs in Ireland).

Croke Park, Dublin - the home of GAA

Instead of men, built like fridge-freezers and wrapped up in protective spandex and helmets, running into each other with insane abandon, we have 30 slim-built countrymen, most of whom dispense with the obligatory headgear, who chase after a football or sliotar (a small leather ball, hit by a hurl, hand, foot – or another player, whichever is handiest), knocking seven shades of shit out of their opponent…all for the glory of their county.

Instead of commercial breaks we have RTE’s panel of experts, delivering insights into tactics, team psychology and whether or not Miley’s missus is worth a ride behind the bike shed. Instead of constant stop/starts, we have 70 minutes of blood, guts and thunder – with rules that are understandable by marmosets.

So no, Ireland has nothing on Super Bowl. Not really…

See you in September. Up the Dubs!!

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11 responses to “Super-Duper Bowl

  1. Awesome post, JM! A triumphant return to Aardvarkian Tales.

    When Christina Aguilera muffed the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner, I shook my head in amazement. Maybe if she hadn’t been so intent on making the song “her own,” and focused instead on singing it as written, she wouldn’t have messed up the words.

    I thought the half-time show last night was terrible. I don’t always feel that way. Some performers belong in the half-time shows. Others don’t. The BEP’s tried too hard to go “over the top.” As a result, they just fell flat.

    But the most disappointing aspect of the game’s hoopla was Michael Douglas’s message at the outset. He compared the value of this year’s SuperBowl with the contributions made by JFK, MLK Jr., the astronauts, and the firefighters who responded to the World Trade Center on 9/11.

    Give me a break. It’s a game. It’s not life or death, or courage of the kind displayed by great men during great moments.

    Welcome back, James. We’ve missed you.

    • I watched it in the hope that Dennis’ home team, the Steelers, would win. But it was obvious from the outset that they wouldn’t. Having said that, I found it quite exciting. But it does go on a bit.

  2. Being a “sort-of” Steelers Fan, the game was a no-go for me. (Actually I am pretty neutral on both teams – although there really is no love lost between me and Green Bay.) I watched the first half with my sons at their home, then we left to get home before it was “too late,” which is parent-speak for “We’re sick of this and are going home!” We usually watch just for the commercials – which are almost always the best part, unless my beloved Peyton Manning is playing. Indianapolis Colts! Woot! Woot! They didn’t do so great this year, but it wasn’t “my Peyton’s” fault! So, Super Bowl XLV was not-so-super. . .there’s always another year, and then there is also the All-Ireland Hurlling and Football Finals! Sounds like much more fun to me!

    Good to see you back again!

  3. For many spectators there wasn’t quite enough violence and mayhem this year. Where were all the concussions? Only two players carried off the field. My, my, they’ll have to do better next year.

  4. Well this was average as far as a Super Bowl went and face it, it’s just an excuse to eat chips, salsa, BBQ meat and drink mass quantities of beer. Glad they are showing the Six Nations games at our local Rugby club. Yes, in CA. Now those guys lay down some serious shit.

  5. Brilliant post, James. (For some reason the ‘Like’ button isn’t working *frown*)

  6. Ireland. Walks to a the beat of a distant drummer all its own.

  7. I like football. I really do. It’s the annoucers that drive me crazy…acting like were a bunch of dim wits…not remembering what we just saw 5 seconds ago. At least they show the same thing you just saw from a different angle….lol

  8. You’ve got to love the Super Bowl. No other sporting event on earth crams in as much razzmatazz into one day, to the point where the game is almost a sideline to the musical & TV ad extravaganza. Nothing in Europe comes close to matching it.

    It was a decent game in the end, but the BEPs showed exactly why they should stay in the studio. Will.I.Am and Fergie showed exactly why so many other artists choose to mime over backing tracks. As for Christina, dear oh dear. I long for the day when someone pitches up and, you know, just sings the Star-Spangled Banner. And I’m not even American!

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