It’s called COORS, for God’s sake!

It can’t be that hard to order a beer, can it? Well, it is when it’s a Coors. You see, here in Dublin, it’s called anything but Coors. Maybe I’m just dissing on my fellow county folk, but it drives me up the wall to hear the different pronunciations some people use when they order a pint or a bottle of the stuff.

Here are examples of what I mean.

“Can I have a Cures please?” Certainly sir.

“Um, I don’t think that’s what I was looking for.”

It’s what you asked for, though.

“No it wasn’t.”

As a matter of fact, it was.

“Well then, give me a Queuers.”

How’s that, sir?

“Eh, what’s this?”

They’re queuers, sir. People queuing up for stuff, like social welfare payments. People like you.

“Oy!”

Sorry. Want to try again?

“Okay. I’ll have a Cores.”

Do you mean this?

“No I don’t.”

Well, you see where I’m coming from, can’t you? I’m a barman not a computer engineer. Dammit Jim!

“I know. All I want is a bloody drink.”

Then ask for one.

“Just give me a Corrs.”

Gladly, my friend. Which one of them do you want? I prefer Caroline myself. Something a woman drummer makes my bass go all trembly.

“NO!! I don’t want one of them.”

Listen friend, do you know what a “cute hoor” is?

“A politician, a con man and a chancer.”

Precisely. Now say the last word.

“Hoor.”

Now pluralise it.

“Hoors.”

Replace the H with a C, and then say that.

“COORS.”

There you go, sir, that’ll be four euro please. The elocution lesson is free of charge.

“Smart-arse!”

At your service.

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9 responses to “It’s called COORS, for God’s sake!

  1. *a-hem*

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    That is all.

  2. Why would people in Ireland even order that shit when they have Guinness? I don’t get it. No self-respecting person over here in the civilized enclaves of California drinks that slightly yellow-colored water.

  3. Give me a Molsen’s or a Bass Ale. Keep the Coors.

  4. If I ever get to come to Ireland, and drop in at your establishment, which of course I will – then I will order only one thing, because my son says you MUST try a Guiness in Ireland. I will probably have a sip and hand it over to whoever likes beer. I don’t Never could develop a taste for it. I tried. Now when it comes to wine and the hard stuff, it’s a whole different story! 😀

  5. Ha! must get my pronunciation right next time I’m in Dublin. Mine is generally delivered in a cut glass accent which makes people want to punch me…

  6. Would that Guiness be pronounced Gwenus or Gwynas or Gweenis? Oh, just give me a Coors.

  7. Linda is running a short story contest which might interest you . . . especially if you enjoy Science Fiction and Aliens. 🙂

    Here’s the link:
    http://booksphotographsandartwork.wordpress.com/2011/02/24/contest/

  8. Why is drinking Coors like making love on the beach………???
    ’cause it’s f#%king near water.

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