Tag Archives: Comedy

If It’s Too Good To Be True…

…it usually is.

We’ve all heard this aphorism, haven’t we? Someone or something (usually a network or energy provider) promises you the sun, moon and stars if you sign on the dotted line. But all you find at the end is you’ve sold your soul for a white elephant and nothing much has changed.

Consider air fares. Ireland’s national airline, Aer Lingus, is advertising cheap flights across its European network. I can, if I wish, travel to Paris one-way for €29.99. Great! But how much is it going to cost me to come back?  And how much extra will I have to pay?

The latest information from their website tells me that a weekend break in Paris will cost to the tune of €140 and rising. This is mainly down to what they don’t and won’t tell you – until it’s too late.

Fascinating Aida is a British comedy and music act, a trio of very talented ladies whose brand of humour has won them many fans and awards. I recently came across a video recording of exactly how they feel about this air-fare rip-0ff. It’s amazing how much truth there is in comedy.

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Tony Curtis, Persuader

Tony Curtis, 1925 - 2010

I was sad to hear that Tony Curtis died today. Aged 85, Curtis put in a good innings, enjoying movie roles and wives with equal aplomb.

Oscar-nominated for The Defiant Ones (in which he starred alongside Sidney Poitier) and a favourite of movie-lovers everywhere for the classic comedy Some Like It Hot, it was through the medium of television that I first got to “know” him.

In the late Sixties, he starred in a TV programme called The Persuaders with the man who would be James Bond, Roger Moore. Curtis loved television. It allowed him freedom that movies could not.

He took on the role of Danny Wilde with relish, ad-libbing much of script and performing most of his own stunts. His role was that of a comic foil to Moore’s Lord Brett Sinclair, your typical British upper-crust playboy. The premise was simple: two men, with backgrounds that shouldn’t mix, are brought together by a judge so they can solve cases the courts cannot.

It was fun while it lasted – just the one season – and it brought to an end a sequence of British adventure shows that included Danger Man, The Avengers and The Champions (all funded by Lord Lew Grade’s company ITC).

Curtis was to make one more foray into the world of TV. Hands up those of you who remember him as Roth  in the Robert Urich detective show Vega$!

The Persuaders, starring Tony Curtis and Roger Moore. Featuring another iconic theme tune from John (James Bond) Barry. They do not make them like this anymore.

Lindsay Lohan – Who Gives A S**T!

Lindsay back in Porridge (Image: theglobeandmail.com)

So Lindsay Lohan finds herself back behind bars again this evening. Am I surprised? Not a jot.

I’ve just watched an interview with her father outside the courthouse, care of Sky News, and I’m as appalled as he is; though not for the same reasons. Without giving Ms. Lohan more publicity than she deserves, I want to make a few things clear.

First, Ms. Lohan is privileged and talented. With time and space, she can make something good come out of all this. Her father is not helping. He blames her friends, the media and the bad choices his daughter continues to make. But he does not blame Ms. Lohan.

Second, whether you agree with me or not, addicts have a choice: to use or not to use. This is not a Shakespearean tragedy unfolding here. Ms. Lohan chooses to use drugs for whatever reason she deems fit, even at the expense of her own freedom. You read that correctly: Ms. Lohan chooses to abuse drugs. Where her father blames those choices, he fails to accuse the person who made them.

Third, people get tired of the same old shit. Most folk want others to recover from whatever addiction inflicts them. I know this because I’m a recovering addict. I couldn’t have got to where I am without the support of others. But that support only goes so far. If an addict keeps falling off the wagon and continues to use or drink, they will be left behind by those that once cared.

Ms. Lohan, like George Michael and other “celebrity” addicts, are in the Last Chance Saloon. Clean up – or use. Your choice. It has always been your choice.

I’ll say no more.

A Portrait of the Artist as a Social Commentator.

Skangers love their Burberry

I’m on the bus, right? The 123 heading to Dawson Street. The usual muppets are on board. The blue-rince brigade with their shopping trollies, getting full value from their bleedin’ bus-passes. Free travel for the over 65s. Who’s poxy idea was that? Oh yeah, Charlie Haughey. Tax cheat he was, and he led our country. Told us to tighten our belts while he wore Van Heuson. Wanker. He’s dead now, thanks be to God. Got a state funeral, too. And these old biddies adore the bastard because he gave them a bus-pass. Bought their votes, if you ask me.

Anyway, the oul ones give you such a look when they want your seat. They’re not having mine. I work for a living and pay my taxes so they can get to travel for bleedin’ nothing. They want a seat? Get a bleedin’ taxi. Sorry, I forgot. You have to pay for a taxi. No discounts for OAPs, thank Jaysus.

I’ll only give my seat up for a pregnant woman, but only if they’re over 18. Anyone under that can stand. It’s not my fault they didn’t use a johnny and find themselves up the spout. You’ve got to take responsibity for your actions in this world, if you ask me. Spongers, that’s what they are. Taking their ‘mickey-money’ first Tuesday of every month and blowing it in the boozer on vodkas and coke and 20 John Player Blue. Slappers!

There’s this bloke behind, giving it loads to his missus on his mobile. He’s calling her every toe-rag name he can think of. He’s not much better himself. He’s drinking from a can of cider, and the smell off him is something fierce. Hey bud, take a bleedin’ shower once in a while. Can’t do you any harm. He’s off the phone to his “beloved’ and is now talking to his supplier, giving out about the last lump he got. Pure shite, he says. Couldn’t make a decent roll-up from it. His mates were banging on about getting a new supplier, he says. Doesn’t matter that there’s not a lot of it around. Where there’s a will, there’s a bleedin’ way. Hash is hash, at the end of the day. I leave him to it, difficult to do when his voice is louder than his football shirt.

I look out the window and see ‘pyjama city’. Young ones and oul ones walking around in broad daylight wearing poxy pyjamas. I dream I’m a sniper, perched on the roof of the GPO, taking every one of these lazy fuckers out. They’re a blot on society. At least the homeless have the good sense to dress for the outdoors. Scumbags.

Right, here’s my stop. I’m off. This is Dublin. My Dublin. Like it or not, I live here. Like it or not, I love it.

(c) James McShane