Tag Archives: Karen Gillan

Doctor Who(use): All Aliens Lie.

Hugh Laurie: Doctor Who(use)

Karen Gillan: Pond

Arthur Darvill: Williams

 

Act One: Scene One: Regeneration

Int. TARDIS. Previous Doctor has regenerated and has now taken on the appearance of a fifty-something Golden Globe Award-winning actor. He looks British but he doesn’t sound it. Instead of smiling, he snarls. A lot.

Enter Pond and Williams. Pond is wearing (surprise surprise) a short skirt. Williams is just happy to be alive.

Pond: Doctor. Doctor. Are you okay? We thought you had gone to…hold on. Do I know you?

Doctor: Who were you expecting, Pond? Smith? Tennant? Eccleston? Or – God forbid – McCoy? It better not be McCoy. And what are you wearing?

Williams: Where’s the real Doctor?

Doctor: He got a part in a hospital drama Stateside. I hear it’s called Homes or some shit like that. Now, where’s my cane?

Pond: What do you want a cane for?

Doctor: Bend over my knee and let me show you.

The Doctor takes out his sonic screwdriver, pushes a button, and out pops a small white pill. He repeats the action four times and then swallows all the pills. He takes on a manic look and then rushes over to the console. He pulls up a screen.

Get me Cuddius. Now.

Williams: Who is Cuddius?

Doctor: She is the Master’s Mistress, the most evil being in the universe. She has my motorcycle and I want it back.

Pond: Why does she have your motorcycle?

Doctor: While you two were busy pissing about trying to work out who exactly River Song was, I was even busier getting high and laid. Though not necessarily in that order.

There is an explosion outside the TARDIS. It is the Daleks.

Dalek: Where is the Doctor? Exterminate the Doctor! Exterminate! Exterminate. Extermin…hold on. Do I know you?

The Doctor hits the Dalek with his cane and pops two pills down its back. It explodes immediately, killing Williams. 

Pond: OMG. My husband is dead…again. (She looks at the Doctor) Hey, you don’t suppose you and I could…you know…

Doctor: Get me some more pills and I’ll diagnose you for life.

Pond: Deal. Where to next? I hear the Salfragians are having a terrible time of it with their nasty overlords. I think it could be the Lupus.

Doctor: Oh for the love of Hippocrates, Pond. Have you not learned anything? It’s never the Lupus.

He looks straight ahead and smirks…

Cue music…

What Jimbo Did…

…since last he blogged.

1. I completed Script Frenzy in 22 days. When I feel brave enough to show it to the world, you’ll be the first to know. But for now, this mish-mash of hallucinogenic, bleary-eyed, caffeine-riddled garbage is staying under lock and key. It seriously isn’t worth reading; but it served its purpose. Because of this exercise…

2… I completed the first draft of my novel, The Dark Crusade of Robinson Stone. 18 months in the writing, it’s been put to bed for the rest of this month. It needs some hard revision and editorial work. I know what needs to be done. Read it on WEbook, while it’s still there.

3. I got my hair cut because…

4. I went to Galway for a romantic weekend with the love of my life, Mary. (Cue happy sighs.)

5. I quit smoking…for good.

6. I updated my Facebook status three times a day, even when I was in Galway.

7. I contemplated quitting my job at least once a day.

8. I wondered why I wasn’t blogging, even though I had tonnes of ideas.

9. I fell in love with Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor.

10. I fell in love with Karen Gillan as Amy Pond, The Doctor’s companion.

11. I fell well and truly in love with Mary. (Cue more happy sighs.)

12. I created a new character: Tara Kane, PI. (More on her at a later date.)

13. I’ve rediscovered Leslie Charteris’ Simon Templar, AKA The Saint. God, if only I could write that well.

14. I made a deal with God. Enough said!

15. I made a promise to myself to blog more often.

Your servant,

James the first-time novelist.