Tag Archives: relationships

100 Words, 100 Days: Day 99. On Unfriending.

Yesterday morning, to my horror, I lost two friends. But I don’t know who they are; not yet, anyway. My Facebook friends list was reduced from a total of 284 people to 282. I scanned down the list to see if there were any notable exceptions (I don’t keep a written record, by the way), but I was unable to work out who dumped me (or dumped Facebook).
A while ago this would have bothered me, causing me to think of how I might have offended these people. But to each their own reasons. Maybe they just grew tired of social networking…or me.

100 Words, 100 Days: Day 78. On Letting Go.

A little while ago, after almost a year of deliberation, I ‘deleted’ an ex-girlfriend from my Facebook friends list. There was no malice involved in the decision. I simply woke up that morning, logged on to my account, brought up the lady’s profile, then (as they say in Facebookese) ‘unfriended’ her.

It was a year to the weekend that we broke up. I probably pushed the decision and do not regret it for a minute. But as there had been little or no interaction during this time, I figured it was time to let it go. Live and let live.




Time To Move On

My girlfriend and I broke up last night, just three hours after I updated my Facebook status to read, “My girlfriend is beautiful.” In truth she is — beautiful, but no longer my girlfriend.

I’m not going to share all the details; it wouldn’t be gentlemanly of me to do so. Suffice to say the writing’s been on the wall for a couple of months now. In the end, Mary couldn’t see herself spending the rest of her life with me. If I’m to be honest, I didn’t think I could either.

She’s a great woman, but after a year together, she knew enough to know that while she loves me, she is not in love with me. That’s fair enough. I’m sad and disappointed, but I’m not heartbroken or distraught. We gave it our best shot, but it wasn’t enough.

We had a fundamental difference. I don’t drink; Mary does (but not to excess). I don’t believe Mary sees herself with a non-drinker. I’m not sure if being with a drinker is the way forward for me anyway.

Sad but not broken-hearted

Yes, I’m putting a positive spin on this. It’s the only way to move on. I thanked her for a wonderful year, a year I don’t regret, I wished her well and let her know that I’m always around if she needs me.

I love her to bits. I always will. But it’s time for me to dust myself off and take some time-out. I’ve stuff that needs to get done (like a novel revision, for instance) and now I’ve the time to do it.

Onwards and upwards, I say.

Thank you for reading.

The Constant Art of Blogging – Or Not, As The Case May Be.

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve come to understand something about the art of blogging. It’s like a relationship. There is the initial honeymoon period where the blog and the blogger go everywhere together. They hold hands, whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears, have dinner and watch movies together. The blog and blogger, like the courting couple, are inseparable.

Then the honeymoon period ends and things settle down to a more realistic pattern. In an ideal world blogging, like a relationship, becomes a two-way partnership. Both the blog and blogger have laid the necessary foundation for each to flourish semi-independently. But both parties need to work at it otherwise it becomes stale. It’s no use if one is more interested in the partnership than the other. In any relationship this is a recipe for disaster. It gets ugly. Words are said, plates are thrown, blood is spilled. Their people contact your people. You’re fleeced and you’re lucky if you’re left with the shirt on your back. The ex-partner goes off in search of greener pastures. You’re left eating dirt.

With blogging it’s the same, only different. The blogger has written his first blog, spent ages getting the template just right, adding lists upon lists to his blogroll. He feels powerful. He writes like there’s no tomorrow. He notes down ideas every day in his little blue book; ideas that are perfect for the next round of blogs. The blog is empowered by the blogger. It feels a sense of purpose it its existence. It feeds off the blogger’s ideas and delights in sending these ideas out to its many fans.

Then the blogger stops, suddenly and without provocation. The blog wonders what it’s done wrong. Has it been too demanding? Has it not demanded enough from the blogger. It feels taken for granted. It goes off in a huff, giving the blogger the dreaded silent treatment.

I hate the silent treatment.

Then comes the reunion. The blog and blogger kiss and make up. Promises are made; realistic promises at that. No saying yes when you should say no – and vice versa. The blogger tidies up around the place, putting everything in order with a little help from his friends. All is fine and dandy. But the blogger knows that second chances are not to be sniffed at. Like a relationship, if a second chance comes your way, do everything in your power to make it work this time.

That’s what I’m doing. I’m going to make it work this time. And that, my friends, is a realistic promise.