Tag Archives: Wayne Rooney

100 Words, 100 Days: Day 46.2 On Nationalism.

We love him despite his unique looks.

Wayne Rooney plays for Manchester United, a soccer team with plenty of Irish support. To us ManYoo fans, Rooney can do no wrong. He finds the net on a regular basis.

Steven Gerrard is a Liverpool player. To fans worldwide, he is the heart and soul of the team. Likewise with John Terry and Frank Lampard. Irish supporters of Chelsea FC know their team depends heavily on these lions of football.

But put an England shirt on any of these players and Ireland bays for blood. It seems ironic that these men are both heroes and villains to the same set of supporters.

 

 

An Aardvark’s Guide to Election 2011

Allie the Aardvark is in conversation with Carl Byrne’s teen(age son).

 

CB: So Allie, you’re very welcome to the show. Tell me and my listeners…

AA: All four of them…

CB: …yes, well…okay. Tell all five of us what it’s like to be an aardvark in Ireland, during this time of economic and political tumult.

AA: That’s a nice word, CB. I must use it in my next sentence.

CB: Please do.

AA: This tumult, as you so describe it, came about because the people of this good country have been sent down the Swanee. They were lied to by the very people they elected to safeguard their interests. But such is the nature of politics; you always get what you pay for.

CB: Ooh! The aardvark bites back. I like it.

AA: What’s happening now should have happened three years ago, when the full extent of the shite Ireland was in was made public. It’s a “land” thing, I believe. For many centuries, the Irish had been denied proper ownership of the land they grew up on because the British refused to give it to them.

CB: Why not?

AA: They liked potatoes too much. But I’m not here to bash the Brits. Some of my best friends hail from across the sea. Like Colin Firth and Wayne Rooney. They’re nice guys. Did I mention that I like dropping names?

CB: I believe it’s in my notes somewhere. Letterman warned me.

AA: So anyway, when the banks started throwing foreign money at the Irish, they bought houses and land at hugely inflated prices and this caused the so-called property boom. Homeowners became millionaires overnight. They lived on credit, and paid rates of interest that even the Sultan of Brunei would look twice at – and that guy’s loaded.

CB: But what goes up must come down, isn’t that correct?

AA: Yes. Ireland, like Finland and Greece, became a subprime country.

CB: And the Government allowed it.

AA: The banks were in its pocket; and vice versa. Heads should have rolled – but they didn’t.

CB: The Irish, as you well know, Allie, being an all-knowing and all-seeing Aardvark, are a fighting nation. Why haven’t they fought now? The Greeks rioted, the French love a looting or three, even the Icelanders kicked out their government. Where is the Irish passion gone?

AA: It’s being taxed at 40%. People can’t afford passion anymore. What needs to happen now is proper and accountable governing. But I despair.

CB: Why?

AA: Would you look at the shower of muppets who want to lead this country? We have Micheal “Me-Hole” Martin, trying to plug up the sinking ship that is Fianna Fail; Enda “Charmless” Kenny, leader of Fianna Gael, the party that most likely will win the majority of the 166 seats in the Dail; Eamon “Guileless” Gilmore, the leader of the so-called Labour Party, not so much left-wing, as left of nowhere; then there’s John “Gormless” Gormley, the Green Party leader, a man who is as much a danger to the environment as farting cows. Not much of a choice.

CB: Who will you vote for, then?

AA: I can’t, I’m afraid. I’m not an Irish citizen.

CB: What about Jimbo?

AA: He’s applying for Libyan nationality.

 

On This Day…13 September

Welcome to Monday, my good readers. Did you behave yourselves while I was away? If you did, you’re a better person than I…*wink-wink*

Congratulations go to Kim Clijsters for retaining her US Open title and to Wexford for regaining their All-Ireland Senior Camogie title, beating Galway in a thriller at Croke Park.

The weekend Bad Boys Award goes to Manchester United for conceding a 3-1 lead in the last three minutes of their game at Everton. Wankers! ManYoo are supposed to be great away from home. Just ask Wayne Rooney…

Anyway, on to the business at hand. On this day in…

1609 – Henry Hudson reached the river that would later be named after him – the Hudson River. He was a rock, that man Hudson.

1759 – Battle of the Plains of Abraham: British defeat French near Quebec City in the Seven Years’ War, known in the United States as the French and Indian War.

Sheet music for The Star-Spangled Banner (1814)

1814 – Francis Scott Key writes The Star-Spangled Banner.

1899 – Henry Bliss is the first person in the United States to be killed in an automobile accident.

1948 – Margaret Chase Smith is elected senator, and becomes the first woman to serve in both the U.S. House of Representatives and the United States Senate.

1971 – People’s Republic of China, Chairman Mao Zedong’s second in command and successor Marshal Lin Biao fled the country via a plane after the failure of alleged coup against the supreme leader, the plane crashed in Mongolia, killing all aboard.

1993 – Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin shakes hands with PLO chairman Yasser Arafat at the White House after signing an accord granting limited Palestinian autonomy.

Expecting cards in the post today are:

Nice!

Actress Jacqueline Bisset, 66

Michael Johnson, American athlete and winner of four Olympic gold medals, 43

Shane Warne, Australian cricket legend and spin bowler extraordinaire, 41.

Stella McCartney, daughter of Sir Paul and an acclaimed fashion designer in her own right, 39.

Luke Fitzgerald, Leinster, Ireland and Lions rugby player , 23.